The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
