I bet he comes in French.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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