I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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