I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
