jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
