when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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