we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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