Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
