I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
love makes seman taste better
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
