Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
