Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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