i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize