as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
