I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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