SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
