i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
