I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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