And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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