he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
