Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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