After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
