Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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