the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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