i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
