Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
