think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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