Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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