I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
