her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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