just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
