I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
