I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
