Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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