Already got asked if we're dating
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
