What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
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I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
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She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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