I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
