So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize