The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
