I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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