Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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