So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
