I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
