I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
