Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I could fuck to npr.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
