can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
