So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
