my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
