you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
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He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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