I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
