I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize