so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
