They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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