I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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