I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
