Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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