i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Dignity is for republicans.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
