I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize